Bathroom Executive Officer – 2018-2019
“Meet Sam Collins, bathstore’s new Bathroom Executive Officer who will be testing baths for us for the next 12 months and blogging about it from the comfort of his tub.
We hunted high and low across the nation to find someone who was as obsessive about bathing as we were. Potential candidates were asked to explain in 400 words what qualities they would bring to the role and why they loved baths so much, after we placed an advert in national press.
Following some fantastic applications and interviews we decided to go with Sam, a law student at Bristol University who wowed us from the get go. To give you a flavour of why we chose Sam we thought we'd share his cover letter with you.
– Claire Bayliss, Bathstore CMO
The cover letter:
“I am in my second year of studying Law at the University of Bristol, I play football 3 times a week and am always out and about. I love my friends, my phone and of course, the art of bathing. There are several default conversations I tend to have with people I don't know very well. These include; the frequency at which printers malfunction, distain at those who refuse to drink tap water, the pointlessness of the gilet and my irrational phobia of sweet corn. However, such conversation is generally avoided the minute I discover that I have had the pleasure of meeting a fellow appreciator of baths.
At this point, mutual passion for such a graceful, luxurious form of intoxicating hygiene, tends to overflow, each of us showering praise on this time in isolation, immersed neck deep in an aqueous bowl heated to the temperature of angel's soup. Full flowing conversations are unfortunately curtailed by the necessity to attend to other, mundane activities. Pulling the plug on such discourse conjures up emotions akin to those disheartening first signs of wrinkled fingertips. Bath time is over.
Spotting a 'showerer' is easy. They stare vacantly out of windows and burn their tongues on hot drinks. These unfortunate souls, ignorant to the spine-tingling, mouth-watering, lip-biting, murmur-inducing satisfaction of sliding that big toe turned human thermometer in to a bath run so expertly, Malcolm Lees would have his eyes roll uncontrollably in to the back of his head, know not of the joys and wonders of the bath. They must be educated.
Never, in my 20 long years bathing on this planet have I come across an opportunity that encourages such appreciation of this virtuous activity that means so much to so many people. For this reason, I had no option but to apply for the position of Bathroom Executive Officer.
Taking a refined, illustrious position in the human diary, bathtime, along with summertime and bedtime is a period of ultimate meditation, unequivocal tranquility and sublime presence of mind. I am nothing short of appalled at the cheek of those pesky spellcheckers disregarding the term with that oscillating red line of doom, in an attempt to nullify its status. I see it as my duty to quash such misgivings. I would bring creativity, enthusiasm and optimism to this role. Tapping in to such a market would be a true honour.
Regards,
Sam